her vagine was all disorganized.
I think my vagina is haunted
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
