Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
