I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
