put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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