Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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