I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
