So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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