Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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