sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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