wake up i wanna do it froggy style
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
