so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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