I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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