ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
