I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
