Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
