you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
