just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize