Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
