Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
nutella sex= disaster
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
