Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
