I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
