You work out of a Hotel?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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