I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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