we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
