I'm gonna have a badass scar
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
