weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
