Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
