First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
