i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
