don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
