rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
