Need sex. Gaining weight.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
