I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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