help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
