please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
