Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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