White coat. Heels.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
