I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
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