I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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