Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize