im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
