Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
