the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
