Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
