Where is the hickey?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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