I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
