i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
