we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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