Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
