btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
