dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
