I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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