Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
