You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize