He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's blow job season.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
