Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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