dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
