thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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