My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
