there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
