party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
