Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Boobs speak an international language.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
