The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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