I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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