Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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