He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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