it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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