forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
