You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
