just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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