Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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