shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
