David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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