Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
