im having a threesome with these popsicles
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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