If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
