If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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