and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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