Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
