R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I stole a fireplace last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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