Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
