Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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