I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
