ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
false alarm, still single
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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