Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
