she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
