I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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