He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
