i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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