Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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