Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
