I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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