Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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