Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
