Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
