its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
