Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
