that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
