my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
