Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
