new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
