Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize