So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
