He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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