Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
