She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
