I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
