God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
found the other keg... it's in the tree
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
