I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
