Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize